Creating an Impact

The influencers are those who connect with and impact other people. Leaders - Religious/Political/Corporate, Sales people, Managers, TV and Radio Show hosts, Trainers and Teachers, are at the top end of  the category of influencers. The circle of influence is the number of people who we connect with and influence  - on the professional, social and personal levels.

The quality of the communication is what determines how people perceive us and how they interact or deal with us. Making a good first impact is a key ingredient to how the relationship with the other person evolves.

An Amitabh Bachchan is an extremely charismatic personality. But Abhishek Bachchan does not exude the same appeal. Of course the father has a lot more experience and success than the son, and this would be to the father's advantage. However, it is good to note that the young Mr. B is not guaranteed the same charismatic appeal that the father displays. In other words, pedigree does not assure us of being a true influencer. But what we do, and how we do it, on a consistent basis can give us the head start we require to become someone influential. The younger Mr. B is slowly improving his appeal.

Is there a reasonably assured way in which we can improve the impact we create, and the  connection we have with people? The first premise is that who we are is normally readily visible, but we can and should improve who we are. Here's how we can go about this:

1. The first thing that people notice about you is your overall stature. Are you standing/sitting upright, or are you slouching? Are your shoulders pulled back and your head held erect, with your face held vertical, rather than tilted backwards? If so, then you would appear confident and approachable.

2.  The mind plays an important role in how you appear on the outside. There is an extremely strong link - between the state of mind and the appearance of the body. Slouched shoulders and a hunched back are a reasonably clear indicator of the mood being low. An upright body with a spring in the step are indicative of being pepped up.

3.  If you have a smile on your face, it is a clear indicator that you are friendly and wanting to connect with the other person. After this, it is the length and sincerity of your eye contact, that determines how approachable and connecting you are.

4.  The handshake is a definite message about what kind of person you are, and how you manage your relationships. A warm, firm handshake is always desirable, and indicates a good personality. A cold handshake, or a limp-fish handshake is one which turns people off.

Now lets look at some of the Power Skills of connecting:

Intention

a. Are you ready to connect with other? This will show in terms of how you look at other people, specially when you, or they, enter a room. Watch people who you consider friendly, and you will see how soon they make eye contact with you. They do now wait till they have got your attention, or till they are a few feet from you. Right at the moment that they connect with your eyes, they break into a genuine smile that is warm and friendly. Their intention to connect with people shows in the way they respond at every interaction, however fleeting.

b  What message do you want to convey?  If there was one thing you would like to achieve with the interaction, what would it be? For instance you could want to impress the other person, or sell a commodity? Or do you just want to improve the relationship with the other person? Depending on what you want to achieve, you may need to be prepared, mentally, for the meeting. Play out possible interaction scenes in your mind, and replay what you think is the best of these scenes. You will be amazed at how we can actually control our relationships, by imagining how these should work, and then just going through the paces with a lot of self assuredness.

c. Power of Voice: How do you sound? Almost 40% of the message we convey to others is done through the voice. Are you nice and pleasant, or dull and boring? Are you warm, and sincere, or cold and calculating? Much of this is indicated through the tone of voice, or what we popularly refer to as Voice Modulation.

Lasting Impressions.

The two most important parts of any communication are: How you begin, and How you end. Use one of Stephen Covey's 7 habits - begin with the end in mind. How would you like the conversation to end? This portion is like the icing on the cake. Many good conversations are messed up at the end. Do not be abrupt or distracted at the end. Always end strong, and friendly. Even if you started lukewarm, you could still end hot, by closing with a warm greeting, backed up by a firm and genuine handshake, and pleasant smile. Don't forget to connect upto the last second through your friendly eye contact. Also close on a positive comment, like Look forward to meeting you soon, or Do please stay in touch. When you break eye contact, do turn around smartly and do not look back. Just in case the other person does look back, it is not the best thing for them to see you turning around too. Then both will be embarrassed. Instead, let the other person know that you have moved away with confidence and with the satisfaction of having had a great meeting.

In India we are still pretty comfortable with the Namaste sign, but as we move definitely into being Global Citizens, we need to use more of the internationally accepted forms of greeting - specially the handshake. As Indians we are also a warm, social race, and our connections with ourselves and the world at large should reflect this. Happy Connections and warmer relationships!

Ian Faria is a corporate trainer, motivational speaker and a success coach 

Issue BG79 Oct07