Lend people your ears

Being the head of the department, I was supposed to attend senior management meetings at Research International, Japan. The meetings were attended by the likes of Miki-san (Yasuo Miki)  (What does "san" stand for? San is like Miss/Ms/Mrs/Miss in English and like "ji" e.g. Ganeshji, Moorthyji in Hindi - It is mandatory to call them using -san and it should be used with their family name, unless you are a close family member. Japanese people could get offended if you address them using their first name. For foreigners they make some exceptions), who is heading the Market Research society in Japan. The meetings generally used to last for around one to two hours. During the same, each department head had to give a brief on the department needs, happenings,  issues etc...

During the initial period, whenever I used to speak (say around 10 minutes) there used to be stark silence in the room. I used to feel happy that people are listening and used to take the opportunity to bring more issues to the forefront. But others, specifically Japanese, spoke hardly for a few minutes. After few sessions, I started wondering whether this is a pattern ... most expatriates spoke out but not the Japanese. One could notice that even on one-on-one conversations mostly Japanese put questions to you, while you did most of the talking. They would even prompt you for the minutest details and would be happy listening.

Slowly, I understood why Japanese preferred to listen rather than talk. Japanese are wise people! They listen very carefully and learn immensely. They listen and understand what others have to say. They some how cultivated the listening habit from childhood and collectively follow it. Japan as a country got benefited by these listening skills; they managed to get knowledge from others, simply by listening thoroughly. That is one reason why they are able to duplicate other inventions, even better than the invented product itself.

So, the time had come for me to be a better listener. I started to speak crisply and for topics of utmost relevance; rest of the time it was listening, listening and only listening. People started respecting the views a bit more after this change. Also, when the urge to speak was not there, I started listening a bit more and learning was going up. After the incident, it was easier to learn their culture and behavior. I started practicing it at home and at other gathering with friends, I would have learned many things after this change even from my child. I still have to admit that it is difficult to curtail the urge to speak when someone else speaks, but I make a conscious effort, I tell myself " do resist, listen". I keep repeating to myself "if you have to learn, you have to listen, and no one will learn anything by doing all the talking".

Good leaders are good listeners, just like the Japanese. A good leader pays attention to the concerns of others, and a sensitive leader remains attuned to the needs of his/her constituents. By doing so, the leader can chalk out action plans to deal with the person's needs as well as he will be able to channelize the person's strengths to better effect.

Here is a list of do and don'ts for good listening:

1.  Don't interrupt the person midway as if "I will not get a chance to speak"

2.  Don't be impulsive

3.  Don't make immediate remarks or decisions.

4.  Don't be judgmental on the speaker.

Ramesh Hariharan is a director of Leadcap, a movement with a vision to build India as a nation of leaders. He writes a popular blog at www.leadcap.org/blog and he can be contacted at rameshh@defussion.com

Issue BG79 Oct07