In a world that is moving at a frantic pace, stress, anger, and rage are eroding self control and causing chaos in our relationships. This causes a messing up of business deals; job opportunities. Some of us shout and scream for no apparent reason... and we seem to be moving like over-wound dolls bumping into each other.

One of the major causes of relationship breakdowns, and divorces are when people feel victimized. They feel that other people are manipulating them. If we subscribe to this view, we grow weak. But every time we lost our cool, chances are that someone pushed one of our Hot Buttons.

What then is a "Hot Button"?

A Hot Button is a sensitive spot... a mental pressure point or a trigger, which, when pushed causes a loss of emotional self control. We respond by getting angry, irritated ... maybe even furious.

There is an associated set of buttons that may not qualify as Hot Buttons, but rather as Cold Buttons... things that turn us off... make us feel disconnected and aloof... these are the triggers that subconsciously, make us react in ways that seem beyond our control. Have you ever felt that other people make you angry? Or Sad? Or depressed? These are the times you have lost control, and you are working on auto-pilot.

Is there anything that we can do to get control back?

Life is too short to play Blame Games. Lets be more proactive and handle life in a better way. Life is a breeze for people who take control of their lives.

What is the secret for getting control of our lives?

Lets look at a simple 5 Step approach that is guaranteed to work.

* Know when your Buttons are pushed

* Identify your Buttons... Hot or Cold

* Figure out your trigger points

* Disable the Trigger

* Delete the Button

* Be Happy. Live Happier.

1. Know when your Buttons are pushed : Awareness is the key. Knowing when you lost control, is the first step. Take a mental "time out". Leave the room; go out for a walk; have a glass of water; re-schedule the meeting; decide that the point may be discussed at a later date.... Otherwise, you may regret how you react, and the emotional outburst could cause irrepairable damage. Just like when there is a fire, the most important action is to get out of the dangerous current situation caused by your hot button being pushed. Later we can figure out what really happened.

2. Trigger Points : After you have gotten out of the situation, you need to re-wind the event, and play it back slowly in your mind. You will realize when your trigger was activated, or when people were pushing your buttons. The trigger point could have been :

1 Something that was said... a word, a reference to someone, a name that you have been called... an insinuation... For example - someone thought that you were not competent to handle a job, and said this at a meeting when you were present.

2.       An Action... something that was done or not done... to you or to someone else. For example, when you were waiting for someone to pick you up for a meeting, and they call half an hour later and say they won't be able to attend... and now it is too late for you to go for the meeting on your own.

3.       An assumption/inference... you misread the situation/conversation. This trigger is difficult to identify, if you are in a victim mode. When we give in to our negative assumptions, this is normally a result of a deteriorating self esteem. We just assume that everyone is out to get us. This may be really far from the truth.

3. Disable the Trigger: Take responsibility for your feelings. Believe that you are in control of your emotions and no one else should be given the credit for making you feel the way you do.

Robbin Sharma, best selling author and business coach says: When you make yourself the victim, you deny yourself the opportunity to grow and evolve.

Do you want to continue being the victim? Haven't you already permitted other people to control your life... or at least your emotions? Are you ready change, and be lord and master of your own emotions? Then you need to say to yourself I am in charge of my life. I am the master of my own destiny. I create my success. Mentally play back the scene in your mind and change the scene to what you would have liked it to be. Doing this disrupts the old pattern and puts you on a new path... one on which you will be holding the remote control. Never again will people push your buttons, unless you give them the permission to do so.

Another powerful tool that we have, is to be aware of our breathing pattern. When people are angry, they tend to clench their fists, grit their teeth and breath in a more pronounced manner and faster than normal. They also generally raise their volume and stare harder. People who are depressed or aloof do almost the opposite. Being aware that these physiological changes are occurring, we get ample warning that a trigger point is approaching and we can steer clear of this. Slowing down the breathing, consciously speak slower and softer, and a smile on your face will surely help to relieve the tension and help you to regain control over your emotions.

4.       Delete the Button: This is a process that takes time to implement. This is a sort of preventative maintenance that we should consciously indulge in. Doing regular exercise, taking up meditation, watching funny movies, or sharing of jokes via SMS or Email are some ways to systematically delete the buttons that control our lives. Joining a Laughter Club, going out with friends, learning to look at the funny side of life are other ways we can delete the hot buttons and help us retain control of our emotions and our lives.

5.       Be Happy! Believe it or not... man was destined to be Happy, not Sad. No matter how bad life may seem at any point of time, it appears that way only because of what we are focused on at that moment. Change your focus and you change your feeling. Or, look at this another way... when we change the way we look at things.. the things we look at change.

Remember, our lives are in our control, and self control is the real secret of being happy. 

The author is a Corporate Trainer Motivational Speaker, Success Coach

Issue BG84 Mar 08

Related Items:

---

Be first to comment this article

Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register.